Sharing in a Blended Family

Life in a blended family can be quite complicated at times because there are so many other people to consider. In our family, though, we try to keep it simple as much as we can. That means, we try to avoid conflict and work with each other so that things will run smoothly. This also means learning how to share.

Even though Zoe and Ziya live with me and Kai, their dad still makes an effort to see them and take them out whenever he can. I am very grateful for that knowing that there are other dads out there who tend to forget about their kids after separating from their spouse. It’s hard to share sometimes though, especially when our side and his side both have special occasions scheduled on the same day. Celebrating Zoe and Ziya’s birthday can become complicated too because we have to work with each other’s schedules (which is not easy because we’re both busy, busy, busy!!!!) because both of us want to hold separated celebrations. At this point, celebrating at the same time is still a bit awkward and so we don’t really consider that option yet. Scheduling holidays, such as Christmas and New Year, used to be hard too. Although starting last year, we came into an agreement that whoever has the girls on Christmas has to give way to the other during the New Year celebration. Then, we’ll switch the next year. 

I must admit though that it’s not the scheduling that makes it hard for me. Sometimes, what’s hard is the thought that the girls will be somewhere where I don’t have immediate access to them. Usually this involves out-of-town travel, which is exactly what they are doing at this very moment. While I love the fact that my girls get to travel with their dad and his relatives for some much needed bonding time, I get a little jealous because they’ll be enjoying themselves and I will not get to see it. As a mom, I want to be there for every important moment in my children’s lives and being in a blended family makes that just not possible sometimes.

So how do I cope? I try to remember that bonding with their dad (as well as with their stepmom, stepsisters and half sister) is an essential part of their lives. I have to remember that in order to lead full, happy lives they need to build strong relationships with the two families that love them so much. Most of the time, that works. Even when it sucks to be away from them, it makes me feel good knowing that I am doing what is best for them. Anyway, I could also use a break and take this chance to focus on Ziggy and Kai…. and maybe squeeze in some time for myself too. Hmmmm,,,,,, where is that book I’ve been waiting to read?