Ever since the start of the school year last June, I’ve been bombarded with questions as to when Zoe and Ziya will have their own Facebook accounts. Initially, it were Zoe and Ziya who asked me that question. Kai and I talked about it and decided that the girls are too young to have their own accounts. Zoe is only 9 while Ziya is 8. They’ve had computer classes in school and so they know how to use a computer. They know how to use the Internet too and that’s what scares me, I guess.
For the past year, we’ve allowed the girls to use the computer only when we are home. Otherwise, they cannot touch it at all. We seldom let them use the Internet and when they do, it’s usually just to play games online. I make sure that either Kai or I are at home to supervise what they’re playing and which sites they go to. They are familiar with Facebook, Twitter and other social media initially because they see me or Kai use them. They know the Facebook games I play and I let them view photos that I or my friends have uploaded. I also let them view or even read some of my blog posts. All their Internet usage are supervised by me or Kai and they never complained nor asked to be left alone while using the computer.
So, when confronted with the question “When can we have our own Facebook account?”, Kai and I told the girls that they’re only allowed to have one when they turn 12. I feel that by that time their computer skills will be more advanced, as well as their maturity, I hope. But even then, we still plan to supervise. Our girls accepted our decision and we thought that was the end of the discussion. So just imagine our shock when one of Zoe’s classmates actually confronted us about it. Apparently, she’s had her own Facebook account since she was 7. She was questioning why we don’t allow Zoe and Ziya the same privilege. She wanted to chat and play games with them. I wish it was easy to explain why. We just said that Facebook is usually for adults and that Zoe and Ziya are still kids. We thought that was the end of the discussion. We were wrong. It has been months since that first confrontation. There would be many more after that. Now that it’s the end of the school year already, my girls are still feeling the pressure of getting their own account. Their classmates just won’t let them hear the end of it.
Are your kids on Facebook? Do you let them use it on their own? I, for one, am really not comfortable letting them do that, what with all the things you can find in the Internet. On Facebook alone, you’d already be able to find ads with adult content. I’m also wary of them reading posts from other people that contain stuff I don’t want them to see or know about yet. I also don’t want them to be exposed to possible pedophiles. The World Wide Web is full of them. Scares the heck out of me.
Months ago, a former classmate of Zoe, who was then only 8 years old, also befriended me on Facebook. Initially I thought she was being monitored by her parents but apparently I was wrong. She started chatting with me and asking me personal stuff about my life, like why the girls’ dad and I are separated, etc etc. It was very, very uncomfortable. During times when I was busy doing something else (while being online on Facebook at the same time), she would constantly bug me when I couldn’t immediately chat with her. I find her actions horrific, something I don’t want my kids to be doing. It makes me wonder what else she’s allowed to do online.
I know that parents shouldn’t be overly protective but during these times, can you really blame me for being so? Facebook is technically for those who are at least 18 years of age and my daughters are far from that age. I believe it’s my responsibility as a parent to decide on what things they should be exposed to at this time of their lives because their childhood experiences are what will mold them. Parents are the best teachers, right? My daughters still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing up to do. So, when it comes to my kids, we’re saying no to Facebook for now.
Hi Girlie!
Both of my girls have their own Facebook accounts, with their passwords posted for my husband and I to access at any time. That was the condition that I laid out for them when I allowed them to create one. They were 10 and 11 when we did it. So far, there have been no issues from them having the accounts, and I do check them randomly, and I have had them change certain things (status messages and what-not that I thought were inappropriate)…we have enabled every privacy feature applicable on their accounts as well. I also have been friend requested by their friends, and although I find them annoying at times, I also find that it is a great way to keep tabs on what kind of kids my girls are hanging out with. It also creates a level of comfort between those kids and me, so that they feel like I am an adult they can trust and depend on.
Every parent has to make their own decision about social media…and I really think that every child handles it differently…so you have to take into consideration who is using it. If you and Kai have made your decision, then the girls will accept it and they will be more appreciative and careful about how they use it once they are allowed. 🙂
My son is 14yo and he has his own Facebook account now. We communicate through it all the time. I think it is good to start some social online presence when they’re a bit mature like teens. I know we should say they should be legally 18 so it’s all individual consent with no parental guidance, but this is all about trust and learning. They will eventually go reach that age, so why not let them learn from you as a parent.
A Ladybug’s Life
Hi there,
I found you via blog hopping. I am following and hope you follow back at http://jothome.blogspot.com
I am shocked that 8 and 9 year olds are on Facebook. Since, I am not yet a parent, I feel like I shouldn’t respond to this. It looks like you got some very helpful answers already.
Just wanted to let you know that I totally understand your feelings on facebook. Younger kids don’t understand that the information they are putting on the internet can be seen by millions of people! I think that every child matures at a different rate and you will know when they are ready. Sorry that they are having to deal with all the peer presure. Good luck!
Good for you for not giving into the pressure!
Kids grow up way too fast these days, and this is just one example.
My 6-year-old believes she needs a cellphone “to text her boyfriend.” I’ve said no even though she knows a couple of friends who do have them.
I think it’s important that we stick to our guns — I don’t think setting reasonable boundaries (which yours sound like)about social media is overprotective at all.
The internet world is a scary scary place. Especially for naive little people.
Good job x
My boys are 10, but they haven’t asked for facebook. They have email, and I let them see things on my facebook, but they just aren’t interested. They’d rather play games.
I’m stopping by with the hops,and now I follow. http://homeschoolblogger.com/brindamorr/
I’m a new follower from the Sunday Blog Hops! Come check out my blog at: http://adventuresofathriftymommy.blogspot.com/
Have a Happy Sunday!
I think that there are times and places to be “overly protective”. Each different situation requires different levels of protectiveness. I’m with you on this one! I don’t want my kids on there yet. And the phones! OMG, don’t even get me started on the phones! I wonder when I’ll be bombarded with all of this. Mine are 6 and 4. Mine are just going to have to understand that they are not neccessarily going to have all of the same stuff and privileges as other kids. And hopefully it will actually make them better people. ????? Thanks for posting.
I am following you on google connect from “Boost My Blog Friday”! Cute blog;-)
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Jeanette Huston
Im a new follower from Super Mega Blog hop .. I hope you will come on over and follow back as well http://beachbabys.blogspot.com/
I also agree with you about the facebook..I dont think Id let my child under 16 even mess with facebook ..
Stopping by from the Sunday blog hop.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. it is our job to be the parents…and it’s too easy to give in when “everyone else is doing it”.
Here from the bloghop.
I follow you on GFC. I’d love for you to follow me back
Tiffany
http://tiffspixiedust.blogspot.com
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I taught computer education to children preK-8th grade for years. Internet Safety was one factor- and you couldn’t believe HOW YOUNG children are getting on FB! Check back soon- I will be doing an Internet safety post!
Hello, new follower from Monday hop. Would love a return follow and while you’re there…I’d love for you to enter to win the current giveaway. HAGW…Sue
http://www.fingerclicksaver.com
Getting all that out of the way as I would forget what I originally came for once I got engrossed in my response to your Facebook dilemma.
My daughter has been on FB since she was 11…she’s 13 now. That being said…I am constantly monitoring her FB, I control all the privacy settings and I make sure to read what’s on her wall daily. I even go into her emails should there be any to view. She knows I monitor it as such or she just doesn’t have a facebook anymore. If I see a ‘friend’ post something I don’t care for…I tell her she needs to delete that person and to learn from this, as this isn’t what FB is all about.
To take this a step further…my daughter has a friend who attacks her when she is mad at my daughter on FB. She’s deleted her twice now. I have issues with this and told my daughter she is no longer to accept a friend request from her when she decides to be civil again…this friend gets no more chances as I have talked to her and her mother (we are good enough friends for me to be able to do this) the first time an incident took place. I have explained to my daughter there is no reason for anyone to attack anyone else on FB…and I won’t allow my daughter to be a victim of a friend who doesn’t understand this.
So…these are the 2 issues I have found to be problems. Now a problem that recently came up on my nephews facebook…well..he posted his favorite number being 69…not having a clue what this means in other terms. His Aunt and his mother drew attention to his post by commenting back as to what this references…from there…his friends started commenting on ..you don’t know what 69 means??? Turned out to be a nightmare that never should have been. His Aunt and Mother can’t understand what the deal was as to how they drew attention to his posting. I don’t know if they don’t get…everyone who is friends with my nephew sees all the posts he writes and who knows if his friends parents view their facebooks…I still am baffled by the whole deal. Needless to say, my brother had him remove the whole post, but unfortunately it was a bit too late before he knew what was going on as they are going through a divorce and he doesn’t have a computer (I was the one to run my mouth to him about what was being posted).
Lastly, some of the kids’ post come across having attitudes which I am not fond of (like…they are better than the others or are bragging about something they’ve gotten for say…a bday or Xmas) but explain this to my daughter so she can understand how this isn’t the way it should be…How anyone writes something can be taken the wrong way so you have to be careful how you word what you want to say.
Sorry this is so long…Best of luck in whatever decision you make. It can be a positive learning experience and yet it most certainly, has it’s downfalls!
Sue
Luckily right now Alex is way too you ng for me to even think about this!! Thanks for stopping by Keeping Up With The Rheinlander’s
~Melissa
I don’t disagree at all… they have so many years ahead of them of being exposed to it why start early?
Thanks for posting about this on Mothers’ Notes. It is a subject that needs a significant amount of attention and discussion.
Have a great day!
Kamer.
My 18 year old has a FB account, and so does my 15 year old and my 11 year old. I insist that they “friend” me, that is my condition. My 11 year old is a boy and is rarely, if ever, on his FB account. But a few of his friends asked him to get one so that they could “chat” but it rarely ever happens. The two older kids are girls, and they are on FB a lot. My 18 year old was put on a FB “time out” for a few weeks when she posted that she was “alone at home, and so bored…” Now, while I know she was just complaining to her friends, I did NOT like that she was announcing to the world (because I really don’t trust FB’s security) that she was in the home alone. This happened back when she was 17 and still a minor, but I tell you, I’d do the same even now that she’s 18. So long as she’s living in my home, I can’t let her risk the safety of not only herself, but her other younger brothers and sisters who might be in the house with her at the time she is “alone and bored” (in this house of nine children, two parents, she is rarely ever alone. She just posted that for the drama.) Anyway, I am on FB a lot and so I see their posts and approve of what they are using FB for. I also am “friends” with most of their “friends” and carefully watch their friends list for new people who I do not know. It takes some diligence, true…but I have to do it.