It’s one of those days when you just don’t want to get up because you just don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t mean to complain but my life can be pretty tiring. Right now I just want to crawl back to bed and sleep the day away. But of course, being a mom, that’s impossible. Dream on, right? So, at 4:00 a.m. today, I grudgingly get up from the bed to fix baby Ziggy a new bottle, fed him, then went to Zoe’s room to wake her up. It’s a school day and so I also had to cook her lunch. Ziggy didn’t want to go back to sleep and was laughing and gurgling enough to wake up his big sister, Ziya. In the end, we were all awake by 4:30 a.m. and Ziya and I had a very early breakfast at 5:00 a.m. I’m already tired but the day has just begun.
On days like this one, I find myself thinking “what if?”. What if I made different choices in life? Would I still be living the life I have now? What else could have happened? Would I feel any better? Of course, the more I think about it the more frustrated I become because I know that whatever I do now, I will never get the answers to those questions. It’s not that I don’t like my life now. There are many things I love about my life but there are also those things that I wish I could change. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. There are a lot of things I’m grateful for. It’s just, you know, one of those days……
I could be doing more productive things now. I could actually start my writing jobs already. I tried last night but I couldn’t muster enough drive to do so. The inspiration just isn’t there. You might say “Hello? Aren’t your kids inspiration enough?”. I know, I tell myself that as well. But like I said, it’s just one of those days. I wish I can finally get out of this funk.
