Playing Favorites

Last weekend, hubby, baby Ziggy and I went to visit my mom a day before Mother’s Day. My sister-in-law and her son, Zack, were also there. Unfortunately, her hubby (my brother) had work and was unable to join us.  We were just hanging out, talking and eating when she suddenly said that my brother feels a little bad for my daughters because it seems like I was playing favorites and that I prefer Ziggy more than my girls. Apparently, I have been posting more photos of Ziggy on Facebook compared to those of Zoe and Ziya. My sister-in-law said that she explained to him that it only looks that way because it’s easier to share photos online now compared to when Zoe and Ziya were born.

I admit I was a little surprised about how my brother feels. Admittedly, I have been posting more photos of Ziggy on Facebook. My SIL was right, though. Technology and social media have made it easier to take and share photos. These are things that were not actually readily available to me back when Zoe and Ziya were born. That time, we were still using a camera with film (eek!!!) and Facebook was still non-existent. Aside from that, I made a commitment when I was still pregnant with Ziggy that I will take photos of his first 365 days, compile them and make a presentation of them for his 1st birthday. I even named that project, Project Yearbook, which is one of the main things why I started this blog too. I wanted to do it because it’s something I wasn’t able to do for Zoe and Ziya. I don’t think there’s harm in that. Having said that, though, I do admit I do play favorites.

I’ve always wanted a son. After my miscarriage in 2007 and my eventual separation from Zoe and Ziya’s dad in 2008, I really didn’t think I’d have a chance to have a son, ever. So, when I met Kai and eventually got pregnant with Ziggy, I was over the moon with joy! The fact that I bled several times during my pregnancy and was on bed rest twice makes him all the more special because I had to take extra care not to lose him. I will most likely not have more children in the future and so Ziggy will be my only boy. In those aspects, I do admit, Ziggy is my favorite. And have you seen my son? He’s just so cute, and cuddly, and adorable, and smart, and sweet. He’s also rambunctious, active and so fun to be around. Also, he’s still a baby…. my baby. For those reasons, he is my favorite. But is he the only one?

Zoe has always been my mini-me. Aside from the fact that she looks the most like me, she’s also following my footsteps on a lot of things. She’s really smart. She has consistently been in the honor roll since preschool. She has actually received first honors consistently for the past three years. Every time she gets called on stage to receive an award, I am no less than a proud mommy. Like me, she’s also good at dancing and loves to perform in school. She also loves to read and collects books like I do. In fact, that is how we bond. I love encouraging her to read books I’ve read as a kid. She’s also quiet and emotional like I am, and it scares me. But for all those reasons, Zoe is my favorite.

Ziya, on the other hand, has been my baby for so long. Although she doesn’t get as much honors in school, her grades have always been above average and have been constantly praised for being the nicest one and most persevering one in her class. She loves to help out in school and at home. She’s very thoughtful, always asking me if I need anything. She’s more artistic and creative than Zoe, though. These are traits that I don’t possess and I admire her for them. There are always art projects of hers lying around the house. She’s also really sweet and funny. She thinks and talks about extraordinary things and that’s how we bond. For all those things, Ziya is my favorite too.

So now the question is, who do I love the most? The answer is, I love all of them deeply and equally. I cannot choose just one. I guess, the thing that my brother doesn’t realize is that all kids are different and as  a parent, you have to treat them differently as well. For example, I can’t carry, cuddle and kiss my girls the same I way I do with Ziggy. They’d think I’m crazy and would be extremely embarrassed, to say the least. Although I read to Ziggy sometimes, I can’t bond with him over books the same way I do with Zoe. I also can’t do art projects with him yet and make conversations in the same way I do with Ziya. Although, I love all of them and teach them the same values and ways of life, how I parent them may vary according to their age and personalities. The important thing is, I am what each of them need me to be. So, I guess, my brother is right. I do play favorites.