Letter to My Hubby (A Birthday Tribute)

It’s September 11 and my hubby is once again celebrating his birthday. I’m already excited. We don’t really have anything extra special planned, just lunch out with Ziggy, but I’m excited just the same. The hubby is not really into celebrating his birthday but to me, it’s a special day that needs to be given special attention.

This year, I’d like to dedicate a letter to Kai in honor of his birthday. I don’t know how this will end up making him feel. I can only hope that this will make him understand how much I love him.

Dear Kai,

I honestly don’t know what to say. I’ve been planning to write this letter for a while now. I’ve been thinking of what to say to you but always came up blank. It’s not that I have nothing to say. Actually, it’s the opposite. There’s so much to say but not enough words to express exactly how I feel. But let me try.

I think I’ve always told you that I appreciate everything you’ve been doing for me and for the family. I’ve even blogged about that quite a number of times already. So, this letter won’t be about all that. I trust that you know how grateful I am for you. Instead, I’d like this letter to be all about how I feel about you and about “us”.

It has been five years already but I will never forget that day I met you, not only because meeting you was totally unexpected but also because I had never met a guy before who made me feel so comfortable. I never once felt that I had to do something to impress you. I never felt the need to withdraw or withhold anything about myself.

Until now I don’t quite understand what it was about you that time but I really felt like I could be myself around you and not feel conscious. I will never forget that instance when we locked eyes while our friends were busy talking beside us. There was that instant connection. I remember feeling in awe of you. You were amazing. It felt nice. It made me feel that something was about to happen. It made me feel safe but at the same time I couldn’t really understand it. It was only later on when I understood that what I was feeling was that feeling you get when you finally find your home.

It’s true, Kai. You are my home. I understand now why all those things happened to me in the past. All those things happened to prepare me for your coming. All those things led me to you. I’ve always told you how happy I am about our life together, right? True, our life is not perfect or ideal. There are a lot of things we still need to improve, things we have to change. But for the first time in a long time, I feel like I finally found my place. My place is with you.

True, we still have our misunderstandings. There are days when I feel so out of touch with you when you’re being stubborn, pigheaded and insensitive (hehehe!). But I know I have days too when I’m bitchy and hard to understand.  Sorry for that. But the good thing is, we always manage to talk things out eventually. We always manage to let love prevail. I hope and pray that there will always be love.

I know some things have changed between us. We’re no longer in that “honeymoon phase”. Life has happened. It has been a roller coaster ride! There are kids to take care of, work to do and bills to pay. We no longer get to spend that much alone time. We don’t get to have those long, uninterrupted talks anymore. But I hope you know that I think of you all the time. I worry about you incessantly. You’re always the first person I think of no matter what I do, although it might not always seem that way and I may not always say it.

The feeling of awe never left. I am still amazed by you in all sorts of ways. I still feel at home with you. If I can only spend every second of every single day with you, I would gladly do so. It already took me 29 years to find you. I really don’t like having to spend another second not being with you.

I know there are days when you don’t feel too great about yourself. There may be days when I don’t make you feel great about yourself. But the truth is, I wish that you can see what I see in you. You’d be amazed too. So, if there’s ever any doubt in your mind about how I feel about you, remember that I love you so, so, so much! If you ever forget, come back and read this letter again.

Happy birthday, Buhr.

Xoxo,

Icey