On this month’s issue of Smart Parenting magazine, I chanced upon an article written by Vicki Glembocki entitled “Should We Have One More?”. I immediately read it. Why? Because I was interested to find out her story and try to see if what I’ve been feeling lately is the same thing she felt when she wrote that article.
You see, the article is all about her wanting another baby despite the fact that she already has two kids – two daughters ages 3 and 1. She and her husband initially only planned to have two kids max and yet during her second daughters’ first birthday, she began feeling that she wanted more kids. Thus, the dilemma started and she began to question whether they are done yet or not.
Well, after reading the article, I somehow felt relieved because I suddenly felt I wasn’t alone with what I was feeling. Yup, I’ll admit it now, I’ve been having this feeling for a couple of months already. I know, I know, I KNOW. I already have three amazing kids. I am super blessed! I know that Ziggy is only 20 months (going on 21 this week!) old right now. I know that having another kid is not really practical at this point in our family’s life. I know that our life is already hectic as it is and we do not really need to add another source of hectic-ness to our family of five. I know that it’s kind of selfish to want more when God already blessed us with three and especially when there are others out there who have tried and tried and tried to conceive and yet could not.
I know all these things. Yet, I continue to feel the yearning for another baby. I don’t know exactly why. Maybe it’s because I never really wanted an odd number of kids. I always wanted 2 or 4 and not 1, 3 or 5. I know, I’m weird like that. Maybe it’s because I’m used to having lot of kids around. I was the eldest of 5 kids and though we were eventually split up when our parents separated, I remember it being a lot fun having all of them to play with. I want the same thing for my kids – the having fun part and not the splitting up part, of course.
Last week, I tried to ask my hubby if he wanted another one. I already knew what his answer would be but I wanted to hear him say it again. He has always wanted more but he knows it’s not really practical. He actually said before that if only we were rich then we would definitely already have more kids than what we have now. Haha! I guess, knowing that there’s still a part of him that also wants more is part of the reason why I can’t stop thinking of wanting more as well. Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma.
Well, I’ve decided to leave it up to God. I mean, we can do our best to prevent it or do our best to try and conceive, but if it’s not God’s will then it won’t happen, right? Ziggy was actually not even planned. Although we did want to have a baby, we didn’t plan for it to happen that year. It just did. We weren’t exactly prepared for it to happen but we survived. We can’t imagine life without him. Ziggy brings so much joy to us and to his sisters as well.
I’ve actually had people ask how I manage to handle three kids. I do it with a lot of faith and trust in God. I pray a lot. I know that there are days when handling them is so overwhelming. There are days when I feel I’m already doing too much. How can I possibly handle one more, right? However, I still feel that I have more to give and more of my heart to love. Crazy much?
Well, I’m turning 34 next year and I have a self-imposed deadline of not having any more babies by the time I turn 35. That’s because I still want to be “young” when my last kid turns 20 years old. So, if we’re going to have one more it has to happen by next year, not to pressure myself or my hubby or anything. Just saying.
We’ll see what happens I guess. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
