A little over a week ago, I watched an episode of one of my newest favorite TV shows, Up All Night. I love it because the story is about the experiences of first-time parents. The mom part is played by super funny Christina Applegate.
Anyway, on that particular episode, Christina’s character was struggling to balance her work responsibilities with her mom responsibilities. The episode showed Christina hurrying to go to a play date with her stay-at-home husband and their daughter in this play school. The problem occurred when a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) of this other baby began to make sarcastic remarks about Christina not being a good mom because she works. She even said that Christina’s baby wasn’t developing as fast as her own baby because Christina was too busy working. Christina tried to wing it at first because she wanted to have a pleasant experience at this play group. Eventually, however, she couldn’t take it anymore and it led to a very heated argument in front of all the other parents and kids. Who among you working moms feel this way? I bet a lot of you do.
Sadly, this is not the first time that I’ve heard of SAHMs bashing working moms or vice versa. One group would claim that they’re better parents than the other for whatever reason. So, which one is really the best choice? I have been on both sides of the fence. I’ve been a working mom for years and a SAHM/WAHM since September 2010. I also have SAHM and working mom friends. Some working mom friends of mine have expressed their desire to stay home with their kids because they miss them so much when they’re at work. However, they struggle with the idea because it’s hard to give up a regular income nowadays. Those SAHM friends of mine, on the other hand, still sometimes crave for that satisfaction and income that can only come from having a profession. I’ve been asked on several occasions about my thoughts on this. So, which one do I think is the best choice?
All I ever really tell my friends is to do what floats their boat. I say that because each family and each situation is different. There are families who will work better with a SAHM and there are those who will benefit more with a working mom. In the past, I worked full time because I wanted to and I could. I had household help and nannies to take care of my growing girls while I was at work. Although I did miss my kids, I just did my mommy duties at night when I got home and on the weekends. I don’t think that made me a bad mom. My two girls are now 10 and 9 years old and they’ve grown up really well. It was indeed a struggle, though, to reach that balance between family and work, but it wasn’t an impossible thing to do. For me, it was just a matter of organization and time management.
I became a SAHM in September 2010 partly by choice and partly by circumstance. I was then pregnant with my son when I decided to resign from my job because it has become so stressful that I had to go on bed rest for three days. That really scared me because I had a miscarriage back in 2007, which I attributed to stress. Since I didn’t want to lose this new baby, I decided to resign and find another job. However, it really did not end up that way because two weeks after my resignation, I was again put on bed rest, this time for two weeks, because I experienced bleeding several times. It was then that I decided to stay home and try to find work-at-home opportunities instead. After I gave birth to my baby, my hubby and I couldn’t bear to have a nanny take care of our son because although he was really sweet and smart, he wasn’t exactly the easiest, calmest baby. So, I stayed home until last November 2011. Then I finally accepted a new job in December 2012 because we really needed the additional income. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it only lasted two months and now I’m back to being a SAHM.
For the past few weeks, I have actually been job hunting again and became frustrated eventually because I couldn’t seem to find one that really fit me. I was beginning to become depressed but held on, knowing that God has reasons for not giving me a job just yet. Then suddenly, a few days ago, our household helper just up and left without so much as a goodbye. I took that to meant that I’m not meant to go back to work just yet.
What I’m trying to point out here is that, the best option for you really depends on what will work for you or your family. There are both benefits and disadvantages in being a SAHM and a working mom. In my opinion, it’s not only whether you’re a SAHM or a working mom that will be the ultimate deciding factor on how your children will grow up. Of course, your decision will be a huge part of it but what matters is how you balance everything and make things work. Just trust in your parenting instincts and capabilities and pray that you will make the right decision.
