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The holidays for me have been different the past couple of years and I don’t know if it should make me feel happy or sad. As a kid, I was used to going to my dad’s family reunion on Christmas Eve where all his siblings and their kids, plus my lolo and lola were there. There were definitely lots of food, presents, noise and chaos. But I remember those times as very happy occasions. All that eventually changed when the family started not becoming a family anymore. 

My immediate family eventually started celebrating Christmas on our own, even after my parents separated. It was all good until Marvin, my brother, passed away. Ever since then, Christmas was never the same again, even with the addition of Zoe and Ziya and my nephew, Zack. But every year someone would be missing, usually my sister, Joan, who now lives in NYC. This year though, even my youngest brother, Leonard, his girlfriend, Tricia, and their son, Zack couldn’t attend our usual Christmas Eve ritual. It’s sad but at least, Zoe, Ziya, Kai, my mom and my brother, Kim, were around to celebrate Christmas with me.

It’s easy to be depressed during this season especially when you dwell on the things that are not quite what you hoped it would be. Remembering what used to be sucks and I guess it’s something I will never stop doing. But I guess we just have to remember to appreciate what we do have. In my case, for example, I was expecting Kai to have work on Christmas Eve. Then two days before Christmas Eve, we found out he was granted a leave, so he was able to spend the holiday with us. And it was all that really mattered to me….. for Kai, Zoe, Ziya and I to be together to celebrate that special occasion. After all, God already granted my Christmas wish. He gave me Ziggy, which means next year, the holidays will be different once again. For sure though, this new baby will make our holidays a brighter one. 

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