On Big Schools and Learning To Let Go

This school year marks my girls’ first time to study in a big school. Okay, if I have to be really technical about it, it’s only a semi-big school because it’s still not as big as the really popular big schools in this country. However, the classes and campus itself in their new school are bigger than what they’ve been used to. Although their dad and I wanted to enroll them in a bigger school years ago, I was really apprehensive about it because the smaller school just seemed a lot safer.

One of my fears about transferring Zoe and Ziya to a big school is the fear of them getting lost, and I don’t mean just physically lost. Naturally, everything will be new to them and they’ll have to adjust to so many things. They’ve always been great performers in their previous school, both academically and in terms of extra curricular activities.

In a bigger school, competition is tougher and I was scared they might become afraid or lose confidence in themselves that they would choose to just blend in the crowd instead of trying to stand out. However, over the past two weeks that they’ve been in school, they’ve proved me wrong. They’re actually doing good in their studies so far and are actually super excited to be part of the extra curricular activities as well. They’ve already signed up to be Girl Scouts and as members in the Arts Club. I realized I should have trusted my kids and their abilities more. I realized that I have to let go of my fears in order for them to spread their wings and fly.

Another big fear I have is that they might get bullied, which is something I experienced when I transferred schools when I entered high school. Although the bullying I experienced didn’t last long and was mild compared to other bullying stories I’ve heard, it was nevertheless traumatic. In their old school, it wasn’t really something I was concerned about because there were very few students and everybody knew everybody else. I could always count on the teachers and administrators to attend to my kids’ needs. In this new school, however, they would just be two out of hundreds of kids. This was harder for me to let go.

Earlier today, my ex (my daughters’dad) and I attended the parents’orientation arranged by the school. Some of my fears were put to rest after hearing the various policies and guidelines they have set. However, towards the end of the session, there was a mom who told us a horror story about her kid. Apparently, her kid’s classmates created a Facebook account for him, without the mom’s knowledge. Eventually, they lost control and access to the account and now somebody else is using it, posting malicious information as well as pornographic content on it. The mom said they have already tried everything, even appealing to Facebook, to delete the account. Unfortunately, Facebook hasn’t done anything about it yet.

I know that these things don’t just happen in big schools. A few of my daughters’classmates in their old school already had their own FB account. They were even convincing my daughters to set up their own. I’ve been refusing to allow them to do it for the past two years now. I fear, though, that the peer pressure to conform and be like everybody else might get to them now that they’re in a big school. I fear that something like that Facebook incident I mentioned might happen to my daughters too.

However, I also can’t let this fear control me or my daughters. Once again, I have to trust that I’ve taught my daughters well enough to know how to handle themselves in a bullying situation, whether it be online or not. I also have to trust in my abilities as a parent. Instead of being fearful of what could happen, I decided it’s better to continue being vigilant instead.

So, what did I do? I agreed to be one of the parent coordinators of Zoe’s 5th grade class. I figured that as a parent coordinator, I’d have easier access to the teachers, administrators and staff and be more up-to-date about what’s going on in the school. I hope that the more involved I am as parent, the more my kids will succeed and be better protected in school. For now, that helps me let go a little.

Let’s see what happens now as the school year progresses.