When my ex-hubby and I first separated, I vowed that I will enjoy my single blessedness. I had no expectations of meeting somebody new. However, I also vowed that even though I was single again, I will enjoy it and be really happy about it. It seems silly now but I totally embraced the fact that I could then join the Single and Happy Club – a group composed of two of my girlfriends plus one guy friend.
The truth is, our guy friend kind of just fell into the group because he happened to also be single at that time and he hung out with us a lot. However, one day the two of us we’re having a conversation about life in general and I casually told him that all I wanted was to be happy. Then he said something that surprised me. He said that we were not born just so we can live a happy life – that to be happy should not be our purpose in life. My first reaction to that was “What?!!!! You mean we should be miserable instead and not look for happiness? What kind of life is that?”. We never really got to finish that conversation but suffice it to say that I did not agree with him on that.
My life has been complicated since I was born. I always say that because it’s true but I’ll spare you the details. All I want to say is that those complicated and challenging moments of my life always made me feel bad, always asking myself when God will finally give me a break. When will God finally make me happy? What did I do to deserve such a challenging life?
Don’t get me wrong. I am fully aware of God’s blessings in my life and I’m very thankful for them. It’s just that there were times when I still felt incomplete, always searching and expecting more, thinking that “more” will make me happy. However, wanting and expecting more only led to disappointments most of the time. It almost made me believe that I will never truly be happy at all and that I will never understand why.
Well, a few days ago, I think I finally found an answer. I’ve been reading Regret Free Parenting by Catherine Hickem (Published by Thomas Nelson, 2011). The book is actually about intentional parenting. In one chapter, it says that in parenting a child, respect is necessary and happiness is not. It goes on to explain more about what happiness is and I’d like to share this quote from the book:”
“Happiness is a transitory state, changing like the wind. It is a feeling, one we all enjoy and embrace. Everyone likes the experience of being happy, and it is a true blessing to see one’s children experience it. Yet because happiness is momentary, we need to recognize that it is not sustainable in and of itself. It is not a reflection of self-worth, as are contentment, peacefulness, and hope. While important and desirable, happiness is a fragment of life; it is not to be our definition of living well.”
Huh! Reading that was actually like a slap in the face. It really did wake me up. What Hickem says is true. Happiness is just a feeling and is fleeting. It can go away as fast as it can come. Many things can make one happy. You can find happiness in anything and everything. It’s just unreasonable to think you can be happy all the time. I realized that I was only searching for happiness because I thought it should be life’s ultimate purpose – that my life would be a waste if I am not happy. It’s so ironic that as it turned out I wasted so much time searching for it.
Anyway, now that I’m more enlightened, I have decided to take a step back and just enjoy what God has given me. He has given me a lot actually. It’s my job to make the most out of it. What I need is not to search for happiness but to learn acceptance and contentment, which doesn’t mean I will stop having hopes and dreams. I will always hope and dream but now with the knowledge that it will not be the death of me if not all my hopes and dreams come true.
love this post. stopping by from the friday blog hop.