I was staring at the computer a while ago, thinking about what my next blog post should be about. I’ve been in front of the computer for hours doing random stuff, checking email, checking my blog, checking my Facebook and Twitter, and just plain surfing the net. I didn’t realize how long I’ve been here until now. It didn’t help that we finally got a helper this afternoon, who I can now delegate the chores to. Without the chores in my mind, I could just do whatever I wanted to do.
Oh, I noticed when my kids came in the room to say goodnight. I also noticed when Kai finally went inside our room to sleep, after falling asleep for about two hours already on the couch. I knew it was bedtime. However, it just didn’t occur to me that it was already getting late. I finally realized a few minutes ago that it was late already when I noticed that the lights were already out. The only light in our room came from the computer monitor. That’s when I really noticed that everybody except from me are already fast asleep.
The thing is, I’m usually the last one awake. I’ve been plagued with insomnia since high school and I don’t really know why. Maybe it was because of my complicated and chaotic life back then. Every time my head hits the pillows my mind just goes to complete overdrive. There’s just so many things to think about. The only time I can fall asleep immediately is when I’m dead tired. Actually, even before I go to bed, there are already things to worry about. Maybe it’s the mom in me. I always make sure that all the lights are out, that all the unused appliances and electronics are unplugged and that all the gates and doors are locked. Maybe I’m just completely OC.
Kai says I should learn to relax my mind and body. Maybe I should start doing yoga. But actually, he knows there’s only one thing that helps my insomnia. …. it’s HIM. He just really calms me for some reason, even when he’s not particularly doing anything. Just knowing that he’s beside me is already enough. That’s why it’s so hard that he works at night. I have to make good use of the two weekend nights that he’s here with me, which just made me ask myself, “What the heck am I still doing blogging when I could be in bed right beside him now?” …. Hmmmm, good night everybody!